While the long-term suppression of their emotions, but also makes you more depressed, irritable, anxious. Growing up, many people who observe their parents at different sides of their predecessors, they are outsiders, moderate, tolerance, courtesy, but go home to their partners and children are yelled at, ironically, mean, mm no mercy. because the family so that they feel safe, they are necessary to be outside the oppression of their closest outlet to those who, anyway, Guan Zenme are one family from the door. How many people that grew up in this environment, growth after he could not help themselves with their parents into the same people.
intimacy have this problem, because we are close to each other, trust, so then do not say no, so willing to expose my true self, which in itself is not wrong, but if what you say and do thing, many are offensive, harmful, so do your friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, it means that high demands were put forward: those who make an all-powerful and inclusive.
This is a very too much to ask, you is tantamount to saying: because you love me, so what you have to put up, so you have to pay for me, so you can not back me, or you just do not love me.
this logic, is not very absurd, very high-handed? However, this is the most logical, most of the people, to love as a weapon, used to bound and punish each other.
Why should we prepare for marriage, because marriage with the single biggest difference is you're going to live with another person, you must first have a good mode of communication, have a good understanding of life before will be very smooth. If we say that love itself is a hormonal impulse, can not talk about a lot of restraint and management, then, marriage, most people will spend rest of his life of marriage, you absolutely need to carefully manage and arrangements.
1, understand themselves, at the critical point of senses.
often you would like to reflect on their own fight: Actually no, the results of temper one up on the out of control ... ... is not he excited, saying not simply said this, Do not mess with me, mess with me we should think about is you look good in a fit of anger ... ... ... ... ... ...
regret, however, this situation continues, for a variety of details, all kinds of little things, or even a word, or will lead to quarrels. The more cumulative the more damage, or even why did you forget to love.
argument itself is not wrong, in fact, the dots,UGG boots clearanc, are you in the understanding of each other, testing each other floor of a process, everyone will get along with others, do not consciously strive for that position to fight for control Right, this is understandable. Moreover, each intimate relationship, living together, two people are also constantly running, the result of compromise. However, such a compromise, it is best not to become a harbor grievances, and even resentment.
people who consider themselves a bad temper, it is necessary to set an alarm clock in the heart, in your soon broke out, to remind you to lower the temperature and restore calm. This reminder can be like:
I'm an adult,UGG shoes, and to control their emotions, I really got into a fight, but also a lose-lose, I do not do this.
deep breath and change the subject, get up to a glass of water to their own will help you to lose control of the situation from where a rescue to avoid the recriminations following, injury, damage to your intimacy.
Some people would say, I figure he'll pet me, and will tolerate willful, unreasonable, and in fact, such a person, in your reason, he will be wrong about because you let him get used to not care about your emotional behavior, he used your moody, you let him really hard to understand what you're very serious, those things are your principles, can not be violated .
2, do not miss those bickering point
Well, we have successfully evaded that argument, then we never speak out. Wait until marriage for three years, we have encountered the same problem and found the same problem but also for the debate, and that the other party's attitude did not change, but also because such a long time not to mention become even tougher. This is not is a matter of crash happened?
avoid the critical point of onset of their emotions, not avoid, in fact, argue that they may cause problems, you establish a good mode of communication is the key. Why would want to fight? Because you disagree, and each finds the other unreasonable. This is a small problem, often on behalf of you and the biggest difference between him, and good communication is to understand the difference between the two sides, on this basis, to strike a symbiotic.
quarrel that might make us question, best to have a more objective attitude, why do we say that men relatively thick line of thinking, because they will ignore a lot of small details, he did not think this is a problem, which kinds of attitude often enraged women, women's emotional outbursts, men will feel vexatious. For the sake of quiet, he perfunctory muddle the past, the next time there will still be the same problem.
carnations Her boyfriend said that the Phoenix be all male, born in rural areas, academic excellence, successful career, his family life is good, do not need him much financial aid. Carnation is the biggest headache for him, he is a slovenly person, before he knew her a total of only two pairs of socks, has been worn to a hole in the end of worn socks, will throw a new one. Due to work he needs to dress properly, but after the suit collar, often oily ground. Carnations not uptight, but he's the habit of her times crazy.
But can not convince him.
carnations repeatedly discussed with him many times this problem, from the quarrel, to joke,UGG boots cheap, to preach at length, in short, she is willing to give up, and finally found a boyfriend, if he do not work on health issues life no peace.
carnations finally happily gathering attended with her boyfriend, his clothes collar, cuffs, are white.
the face of difference, you can choose to have two results, one insisted in the end, to seek a compromise, but the outcome of the status quo; second eye does not see the net, when such differences do not exist at the same time, this species ignored, as acquiescence. Both are also regarded as a good deal.
the most horrible thing is that for the same thing again and again, the same argument, even the fight did not change the rhetoric. Finally a woman crying, the men go. After repeated N times, we all tired to death, than break up trouble.
can not change the outcome if we can not change the other, then at least change their attitude, right? Your mood is very valuable, it will directly affect your endocrine, physical health, why should fall in the same place repeatedly torturing yourself? If the first outbreak, strife, could be forgiven, then the same problem, and the second should not be reused to solve the dispute, right?
3, two people need rules small world after spending time
, you can record your experiences, for example, he does not like what most matters to you later handling matters related to the same, you hate what he knows, he deals, and then, for example, if you encounter something both families, how do you discuss those issues is a sensitive issue ... ...
waiting for you to write this diary, you will find that the two of you the basic rules small world has been born.
ancients said, self-cultivation, regulating the family, ruling the state and the world, no matter what the profound truth that comes from you personally, the people around you, start from here.
each other's bottom line will become the emotional management of the alarm clock, reminding us not to hurt each other, do not let the other side because of emotional reasons, forget the reason.
here to mention that the most basic: Do not hurt each other, this should be two people in love the most basic rules.
Unfortunately, we are in love, the hurt each other with impunity, but also hurt themselves, we often take it as is the norm in love,UGGs, that conflict, tears, Xiangda phase, verbal abuse, extreme behavior of these intense, cut is cold love, love strong. Often in the end, love has been worn bleak, never be brought back the original joy, heart. At this time of loss, only allow two people to accept passively: we're old and do not move downtown, what love, ah, has a family, and marriage is the tomb of love, we have grave was.
In fact, you do not have to so. Love always been joy, we have been happily enjoy a healthy love, of course, is within the rules. Ms. Violet
between her husband's rules are detailed, including: no betrayal, no hands, do not lie, share the housework, regularly went out to play every week to have time to talk ... ... and so on. This paper is just like her dealings with the other half set the wedding, bridal party are to bear witness to two people at the fingerprints.
now her daughter is 5 years old, she grew up violet preparations, this paper presents given to her as an adult. Each mother is thought that if the beginning, her daughter is taking a straight path the sun, it would be great. Violet would like to tell her commitment to do it is very easy to keep is the most difficult. Violet in the marriage, a man who faced the pursuit of his career, income, all aspects are stronger than her husband, and he was her high school, first love. She considered the day before refused him.
be better to leave him, I think I have not.
4, negative emotions such as the final exit
anger you have learned time and again to recall, again and again remind ourselves not to be angry and sad about the loss of rational decisions, then you will be discomfort, anxiety, negative emotions because you have nowhere to go.
Here are a few to be all kinds of books, magazines, had recommended ways for you to vent their negative emotions:
1) movement. Such as aerobics, running, kickboxing, the sport at the same time, you do not want to imagine a happy, who stood waiting to be knocked to the ground under you look, so you shed sweat, red in a hot shower, tossed wet hair out of the gym, you can have a look at the world's people smile;
2) to do housework. Negative emotions can lead people to a masochistic impulse, you may wish to do a multi-day Cinderella, the glass did not rub rub, or pick up the mess in the closet again, your bad mood will follow those already with the useless debris be swept out of your home, clean and comfortable home environment, will make you happy;
3) listening to music, talking to himself. The room's door shut up and listen to music and strong rhythm, you do not have a strong desire to quarrel with you, you can start, waiting for you against the wall, then put all their pent poured forth, and you will feel much better. Psychology enthusiasts can also consider recording these words for his own future analysis to see what they have mental disorders;
4) outing. Hiking to see the sea, you will find in the face of nature, all the troubles no foot Road;
5) a change in hairstyle, new styling means you have to face their new possibilities, if it is bad and do not care, you can change pretty short hair;
our best is to use a positive and healthy way to solve the problem, even vent their negative emotions. Do not use low self-esteem, smoking, drinking, overeating, sleeping with someone else, self-mutilation, a shopping spree and other acts to destroy themselves, they give vent to let you post a rude awakening.
to know that we do these things, not just in order not to hurt others, first and foremost for themselves, and we have to do one can write their own people, for people who can firmly grasp the part of our health, happiness, harmonious relationships.
hidden in the hearts of many people frustrated, I always feel that personnel how to do only concession was to suppress their demands. Then these grievances, how much is true? Or just your excessive demands are not met, it had to give up?
manage your emotions, just do it for themselves, then is your closest. Do not put your spouse, family as a punching bag, do not rely on their love, you can freely vent to negative feelings onto them.
how many people in order to Your banner, hurting their favorite person?
manage your emotions it, a calm, sober people can face and solve problems. Your rude, self-willed, it may have hurt the other half without knowing it. Grievance until his heart burst out, everything was too late.
No comments:
Post a Comment